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Where angels fear to tread

It’s rare that I comment on national issues or those of a global nature, but here goes and devil take the hindmast.

The Catholic church is in Hong Kong trouble over the conduct of some of its priests, and what I refer to here – the particular problem – is rather widespread.

In a nutshell, these rogue clergy have been kneeling before the wrong altar – that of the chocolate speedway – and the posture assumed is that of the Folsom position. The recipients of these benedictions have been young boys – either altar boys or youthful parishioners, I reckon.

As much as $40 million has been shelled out to exorcise this stigma of pederasty so far. Unless you live under a rock, you are aware of what I’ve disclosed right here. But are you ready for my two-pronged solution to the quandary?

To my mind, the archaic stricture of celibacy should be removed from the priesthood or else a sheep should be provided to each diocese for buggery relief. A female sheep, if ewe know what I mean.

As always, I await feedback on the comments I’ve made on the subject du jour. In some quarters, I’m known as Hannibal Lechter of the letters. This is because (since 1963, Freddy Fisher) I invariably have my critics for lunch. If you doubt me, I welcome you to measure yourself against me.

At day’s end, fools rush in where angels fear to tread; on the other hand, pride cometh before a fall. This one’s for Freddy and Albert, as well. If only I could bring this to them.

(Pious) Pete Luhn

Aspen


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