Weekly Journal for the week of March 13
Weekly Journal for the week of March 13
I don’t know exactly how it is going for you, but life is pretty strange for me right now. Given the current astrology I figure its also probably pretty strange for you too, one way or another.
In the general environment I am aware that there has been a real lot of death in my community, with suicides, homicides and death by car “accidents” and I am so aware that that is reflecting the many and varied “deaths” I am going through internally, on mental, emotional, spiritual, intellectual and psychic levels of my being. (Did I miss any? OK, on all levels of me.)
The other night my dear friend Curtis told me that as he saw it, I am “perfectly poised” at this moment in time in my life, and I have to agree fully.
I am standing on the edge of a precipice beholding a whole new cycle in my life beginning to unfold, doing so it seems to me at times at a remarkably slow pace, and then when I actually tally what has happened, developed and changed in the past three months since I returned to Aspen is actually an astonishing amount, and that this new cycle, this new reincarnation and re-invention of me is well on the way and speeding up at quite a clip.
Having survived the absolutely hardest 12 years I could imagine I know I have finished that cycle of growth since I immigrated to America, thus becoming a double alien: an AustrALIEN and a Legal Alien, and having literally and emotionally made this country my new home. God it was tough… 12 years of learning and growth and expansion in the process of mastering America so that I could, as we say here, move through my world easily. And it’s done. Things are in place. I know the deal, the game and most of the plays by now, and so now its time to take off and to create a whole bigger vision that I have known was coming for a long, long time.
I am excited and feel safe, grounded and at ease for the first time in 12 years when I mostly felt scared, alone, alien, challenged, overwhelmed, shocked and appalled and horrified by the fact that I just knew I had to stay, survive, learn how to survive, and then figure it all out here, because having been here in America there was nowhere else to go that would teach and challenge me in the same way. I mean, to compare Australia and America, as countries, cultures, beliefs, values, rules, systems of goverment and law let alone social systems, sex and relationships and everything else that goes into making a country is the most overwhelming task I can imagine. And I went for it, and made it, and got here, and am totally at home here. So much so that when I return to Australia I see it through the eyes of an American tourist! I want to pat the Aussies on the head and say, “say something cute in Australian!!”
What a journey and I have finished it and so now am poised, and starting, my new journey. One that is based on a vision I had as a child, one of many between ages of about 7 and 9. I remember them all, in detail. I remember me having them happen, and I remember that at the time I KNEW, somehow I KNEW, that these visions were really, really true and important for me, that somehow I was being given visions, information and knowing about my path and my future, and I remember making way back then the decision to trust them and follow them no matter what. I somehow remember that I somehow knew it was a big, scary as all hell gamble but that it was the only way to go, and so I did.
So many of those visions I have already fulfilled. So many in fact that I say to friends, only half joking, that I have had at least 5 full lifetimes in this same body. One of those childhood visions was to imagine me living in a log cabin in the snow covered Rocky Mountains of Colorado and thirty years later was powerfully guided to the Aspen Valley and lived in a log cabin on the edge of the wilderness with a stream flowing by the front door, in fact AT the front door, and a range of wild animals around and seen like elk and mountain lion, bear and bobcat.
I have lived here most of the last 10 years, not just living my vision but living IN my vision!!
The next vision that I am now moving, sliding, transforming into is the biggest and scariest yet, of course. It is to become world famous as the Aspen Astrologer and just writing those words, claiming them aloud takes my breath away.
My old doubts and fears like “Am I ready?” “Am I crazy? Who do I think I am” etc. I have heard over and over and over for most of my life since I started this journey, and bit by bit I have tested, learned, tested, challenged, stretched myself in so many ways to make sure that when the time came I would be ready.
Along the way so many miracles happened, so many totally impossible and unreasonable events and experiences, so many lessons that were so tough that many a time I really believed I would be broken, and one by one my heart, and soul, and mind, and body did get broken, sometimes often, and I had to learn what I was capable of, what I could do. I learned I could mend and heal myself and how to do so and then I did. I have healed so many wounds, pains, hurts and fears, deep and shallow, and now I am ready, poised perfectly for the dive into this huge new reality that is forming – a reality that is called world fame.
The joke is that when I was a kid and saw that as the future I wanted it for a while but soon learned what a false god is fame and being famous for its own sake, as if THAT can heal and grow you. Ho, ho, no.
I had enough experiences of being in, and a part of, and on the media that I realized the only reason I want that is to literally broadcast whatever value I might be able to offer to others based on my own story and path. What I quickly learned was that people of all sorts and ages responded because I was just being me telling my story.
I have had the same feedback and responses through my astrology in the newspapers in 3 counties and my 2 websites and now also want to get THAT value to the whole world.
I’m ready. Wanna play?
© 2005 Tomas Gregory
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