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Trillions of potential persons

Dear Editor:

Despite my initial reaction to Amendment 48 (“Has the world gone insane?”), after some reflection, it turns out that I have seen the Light! Praise Jesus, Amen.

The Light I have seen is that the one thing we sure need more of ” in a world where every day 30,000 children go to bed hungry or die of starvation ” is “persons,”

especially ones without mouths or bellies.

And with the economy so bad, surely we could use more tax revenue. The more “persons” there are, the more taxes the state can collect ” that’s a given.

Then the Light spoke to me! It said, “Why stop at embryos?”

The Light reminded me that every single cell in a body is a potential person, because every cell contains DNA, and DNA makes clones possible.

The Light suggested that we have the state also declare every ovum and every sperm a half-person. Even though each has only half the potential of an embryo, it’s good that we not waste a single cell ” regardless of what Mother Nature does. That ol’ hag is just too damn profligate, setting us humans a very bad example.

Think of it. After the state declares every cell a “person,” we’ll finally stop wasting holy potential. We’ll collect and save every hair clipping from barbershops and beauty salons; every sperm from every sex act, self-pleasure act, and wet dream; every drop of menstrual blood; every drop of any blood, whether from paper cut or surgical operation.

We’ll build storage facilities for feces and urine (poop and pee, to the non-scientific); every nose booger; every underarm, leg, and chin shaving; every nail clipping; every sweat drop on jogging suit and towel.

We could solve several problems at once, just by increasing the planet’s population by a factor of trillions. New customers galore for every business; advertisers and legal drug pushers in seventh heaven.

Colorado gets the title “Most Progressive State” ” even though some reactionary somewhere is bound to say it’s the biggest wrong-way trend in all human history.

This is the door-opener for other religious opinions ” like the one that the Earth is the center of the universe ” to get sanctioned by the state!

The Light wasn’t finished with me. It offered possibilities for literature and song. A sampling.

“Oh, Embryo, Embryo, wherefor art thou, Embryo?”

“Em-bry-oooh, you’re young and alive; come out of your half-dreamed dream; and run if you will, to the top of the hill; come into my arms, bonnie Embryo.”

“Oh, Embryo, the pipes, the pipes are calling, from glen to glen, and down the mountainside; the summer’s gone and all the roses dying; it’s you, it’s you must go and I must bide.”

“When Embryo comes marching home again, hurrah, hurrah, we’ll give him a hearty welcome then, hurrah, hurrah …” Rhythm’s a little off ” better use nickname ‘Bryo ” ’cause every “person” deserves a nickname.

“Yea, though I walk through the valley of the shadow … thou are with me, Embryo.”

Linelle

Aspen


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