Tired of the Downer-Duo | AspenTimes.com

Tired of the Downer-Duo

After reading the commentaries of Aspen’s Downer-Duo Tony Hershey and Sheldon Fingerman, I have had enough. But instead of lashing out, I want to give these sad souls some much needed happiness in their unhappy lives. I say we finally get these lost boys out of the closet and into a Civil Union!I will volunteer to drive them to Vermont in a hybrid car; sorry Tony, no SUVs and no cell phones. I will have to make them read letters by EMZ III and listen to tapes by Andrew Kole, so they realize what it’s like to be talked down to by people that only THINK they are always right. For the rest of the ride, we can listen to NPR and find out what is happening in the rest of the world.Upon arriving in Vermont, ex-governor Dr. Howard Dean will surgically remove the collective right-wing, anti-environment fist from Tony Hershey’s highway, allowing for free thought and speech. Then, with a healthy dose of Prozac, we’re on our way.Sheldon will stay with my folks, walking the dog daily and going to my Mother’s Salon to listen to people with REAL problems. Tony will spend some time at the Vermont School of Law, where he will learn to use his degree for good, and not the Republicans.For the big day, we’ll cruise up to Burlington where Jon Busch will perform a beautiful ceremony by the lake. Then we’ll dance the night away at Pearls, a kick-ass gay bar (except Tuesday’s Butch Dyke Night – scary!). For their honeymoon, I’ll whisk them to a B&B in the Northeast Kingdom where they can appreciate the hard work of all those “whacko environmentalists,” and spend some quality alone time together.I only hope this will give them the peace and happiness that they seek, and the peace and quiet WE deserve.Troy MillerAspen

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