This just in: Kole won’t apply for council | AspenTimes.com

This just in: Kole won’t apply for council

Dear Editor:

To the delight of many Victoria’s coffee lovers, I considered applying for the open City Council temporary seat.

One reason I felt this an excellent fit was I am relatively up to date on the issues in “epic” Aspen, but more importantly, the appointment was for only 12 weeks. After all, how much damage could I do in 12 weeks?

Happily/sadly, I found out late last week, I’d be away for much of March and April promoting my film, “Meeting Spencer,” opening in NYC and L.A. on April 8 (a little promotion never hurts) – thus, I decided against applying.

Since the online application attempted a little humor by listing “additional requirements” for the position, and I did not want to waste my response, I thought I’d put it out there for anyone who might want to use it.

Additional requirements

• Speed reader.

• Knew my Evelyn Wood experience would finally pay off.

Adventurous

• Video provided upon request.

Sense of humor

• Refer to speed-reading answer, and come over and see my movie, “Meeting Spencer” at any time.

Ability to see the big picture

• Had LASIK surgery within the last two years.

Love late nights and long hours

• While not an insomniac, I sleep with one eye open, and only need five hours a night.

I fear not applying will devastate the 145 voters whom support me every election, but fear not, someone will rise to the top.

With that said, here’s a thought. If we waive the residency requirement, we could appoint ex-San Francisco Mayor Willie Brown, and disprove his claims of racism, while providing us with an excellent food critic, thus a win-win situation.

Finally, I am very disappointed I will not have an opportunity to disprove all the “urban myths” about me, but I know whomever gets the seat will not do a “shoddy” job. (Thought I couldn’t get the word “shoddy” in this letter? Wrong.)

Andrew Kole

Aspen


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