Things get ‘cocky’ on Little Nell |

Things get ‘cocky’ on Little Nell

John Colson and Charles Agar
Jordan Curet/The Aspen Times

Aspen, CO ColoradoASPEN For one afternoon every year, the Little Nell ski run takes on all the trappings of a Castro District burlesque, and this year was no exception.Dressed in a thong-backed wrestling outfit and nothing under it, local interior designer Todd Hiemel got a perfect score for his entry the “humorous” category of Friday’s Gay Ski Week downhill costume contest, with his portrayal of Borat, the cinematic Kazakh journalist.Skiing down Nell in a feathered robe flapping wildly, and with a suitcase in his hand, he smiled broadly at the audience as one of the co-emcees of the event, Sister Helen Holy, groaned and declared, “This is going to be embarrassing, I can tell you right now.”

“Would you like to touch my cock?” he asked Sister Helen and her partner on stage, Flo, producing a live rooster from a suitcase and pronouncing it “Kazakhstan’s national bird.”Flo, not to be outdone, responded in kind with the crack, “It’s a big cock,” and then watching with amusement as Borat spent five minutes chasing his cock around the stage after it escaped from his grip.”Oh, we’re going to be chasing cock up the mountain,” Sister Helen intoned as the rooster headed upslope with Borat in hot pursuit, “proving this is Gay Ski Week.”

“How many of you are here for Gay Ski Week, and how many of you are locals who come out to see the drag queens?” Sister Helen earlier asked her audience. “We are homosexuals, we don’t judge people,” she said, introducing judges representing area hotels and businesses. Mayor Helen Klanderud headed up the panel.All seven of the judges awarded Hiemel perfect 10s, giving him “a perfect 70, the highest you can get in this show,” Sister Helen said after the contest had concluded and the judges had tallied their scores.

His nearest competitor in points was a “political” entry, “The Wedding Party.” The group consisted of nine men and women dressed as bridesmaids, ushers and David and Ed as the groom and, er, the groom – and a woman carrying a tinfoil crucifix who declared herself to be “the only female Catholic priest in the whole state of Massachusetts” and who performed the wedding ceremony that ended, “You may now kiss your husbands.”They received six 10s and a nine to come in second.David Pia, one of the grooms, said the group came from Boston to celebrate Ed’s 40th birthday.

“The skiing is fantastic,” Pia said. “I had a blast.”Brian Hanlon, from New York City, was with the “Poodle Envy” crew of three skiers dressed as poodles and one very envious Dalmatian.”We’re here to celebrate our gay pride,” Hanlon said. “Oh, and the New Orleans Saints.”

Set to the running patter of Sister Helen and Flo, the costume contest featured, besides an array of dogs, the Bud Man (Bud Light is a sponsor of Gay Ski Week), Wonder Woman, SpongeBob, the Phantom of the Opera, Roxie Hart (from the play and movie “Chicago”).The swag flew, everything from hats to free booze from the title sponsor. And lottery draws earned participants snowboards, digital cameras, DVD players and a mountain bike.Gay Ski Week participants will convene today for skiing or snowboarding on Snowmass, with lunch at Ullrhoff restaurant, an afternoon hospitality suite at the Sky Hotel, then dinner at L’Hostaria followed by the gay-vs.-straight hockey championships at the Aspen Recreation Center and a closing pool party.