The weather prophet speaks
I don’t believe in aromatherapy, crystal healing, psychic powers or any other New Age phenomenon to bounce off the crazy train, but I do know a weather prophet. Hold on, don’t get your panties in a bunch, it’s for real. OK, I’ll admit some people do seem to have the ability to sense things – like the time I stubbed my toe and my brother, who lives in San Francisco, woke up with a sore foot – but as far as big-haired women named Wanda who collect money to lie to you about the future, that’s phenomenally stupid. And yes, I do know a weather prophet. His name is Jawani Foresite. Just kidding. It’s Paul Romero, and the following is true. Paul has been my weather guide – his winter projections are legendary – for years, and he’s never failed me. I’m not talking short-term, “looks like it’s gonna be a big storm” nonsense. No, Paul is a long-range guy, and better than everyone at the National Weather Service and Climate Prediction Center combined. (I really shouldn’t reveal this information since I’m still waiting for Vegas to open a weather-betting table. When they do, I’ll be taking Paul with me, just like Tom Cruise and his brother in “Rain Man.”) Back to the point. I’ve known Paul about as long as I’ve known my girlfriend – five, 10 years? Who knows anymore – since he is her father. Ever since I’ve known her, at some point in the fall she’d invariably proclaim something to the effect of, “My dad says …” about the coming winter. The first couple of years I ignored her. But then I noticed that year after year his predictions were right on. Now these weren’t detailed forecasts, but they weren’t vague either. For example, last winter he said it was going to dump early, and be warm and dry late. Check. This winter’s forecast: the biggest in years. Check. Long story short, I’ve decided to quit my job and manage Paul’s talent. Prophecies can and will be tailored to your desire, and you will like it. We only accept cash, ahead of time. Thanks. Steve Benson’s e-mail address is email@example.com
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