The tale of Henry and Martha | AspenTimes.com

The tale of Henry and Martha

Does Aspen need the S-curves? Sure it does! That way all the wackos can arrive in town with that “Mayberry” feeling.

“Look Martha, we’re in ‘Bedford Falls. How quaint. If only we could live here.”

“No, Henry, let’s look in Carbondale where land is affordable.”

“OK, but first we have to negotiate those confusing S-curves.”

Meanwhile, does Aspen need the straight shot? Sure it does. That way all the coke-induced yuppies, the beer-swillin’ construction workers and the Land Rover soccer moms on their way to Wal-Mart for cheap toilet paper can leave town at Mach V.

Aspen needs both. The S-curves for people going into town and the straight shot for people leaving. The Marolt property would be ideal for a big giant “clover-leaf” interchange, complete with big-city amenities ? like car dealerships.

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C’mon Aspen, if you’re going to compete with Vail, you gotta get serious. Cripes, they have a frickin’ interstate highway going through their town and you don’t hear them whining.

If we are going to have growth, we need smart growth. Smart growth would include improved roads. It would also include NEW roads.

Why do the S-curves need to go away? Leave them connected to Cemetery Lane as an alternative way to town. Connect the main artery of Aspen with a straight shot so traffic can flow smoothly.

Traffic isn’t going away anytime soon, folks. With population projections at 1 million new residents within 10 years, I would think Aspen had better start addressing their transportation problems now.

The answer isn’t in roundabouts or choo-choos. The answer is hopping right in your hot rod and hittin’ the road. The great American automobile is here to stay. Hell, even 90 percent of those anti-oil, anti-Bush, anti-SUV peaceniks DROVE to their rally. Who they trying to kid?

Meanwhile … “Henry, I don’t know about Carbondale, I hear they are going to four-lane their entrance!”

“Shut up, Martha, I can’t find my way outta here. Heck with it, let’s go ski Steamboat!”

“Yeah, I hear land is cheap up there.” All of a sudden Martha starts bellowing out: “See the USA in your Chevrolet …”

Dwight Juhl

Glenwood Springs