Tag their ears | AspenTimes.com

Tag their ears

Dear Editor:

You know it is spring in Aspen. Every time you pick up a paper there is an article about the bears. Of course bears are not addicted to trash; I am sure they would rather eat at the Little Nell than a dumpster.

For years I have thought there should be a “Second Homeowner Relocation Program” instead of the “Bear Relocation Program.” Although, the problem of leaving trash out has trickled down to full-time residents being just as guilty.

On the first offense of leaving trash out, you will be tagged in the ear. A huge orange neon tag of course, which would require an entire new wardrobe to look attractive.

On the second offense of leaving trash out, you would be stripped of all electronic devices and money, paraded through town in a bear trap before being released in the wilds of Canada. Not that I have anything against Canada – it’s just far away.

If you make it back to Aspen and do not commit another offense for one year, your ear tag will be removed.

If you do commit a third offense, I just do not know what to say because you know what would happen to the bear.

Seriously, bears need to be afraid of people. Maybe the Aspen Police Department could train a “Special Bear Canine Task Force.” No, not pugs, or cockadoodles or wimpy golden retrievers, I am talking about Rottweilers or pitbulls. They would be allowed to roam the perimeter of Aspen and if a bear tried to enter the city limits all hell would break loose. Of course these dogs would have to be exempt from the leash law, and I do not know who would be responsible for picking up their poop.

Both programs do have potential because not all people have bears because of leaving their trash out. I have a friend in Owl Creek that has a bear show up every spring because this bear knows she has at least 50 gallons of ice cream in her freezer.

Maybe Toni Kronberg could work on these programs instead of the Recycle Center because we do need the Recycle Center.


Old Snowmass

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