Summing up the GOP | AspenTimes.com

Summing up the GOP

Dear Editor:

It appears Republicans were a bit disingenuous when they announced their platform at the convention. I’m sure what they meant to say on various issues is as follows:

• Voter integrity: As long as you are young, old, low-income, educated or progressive or have skin of color, you shouldn’t vote.

• Abortion: OK, ladies, we don’t care if you were raped by a space alien – you are having that kid. However, after that little fellow is born, don’t bother us with problems like education, health care or food stamps. You had him, so you feed him.

• Energy: Drill, baby, drill! We don’t need no stinking solar, electric or hybrid cars blocking our SUVs!

• Gun control: Get rid of that pesky word “control.”

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• Taxes: Drop tax rates to zero for billionaires. See “Jobs.”

• Jobs: Drop taxes to zero for millionaires. See “Taxes.”

• Small business: Corporations are people, too, my friend.

• Foreign policy: If we don’t like you, we’re going to bomb the crap out of you. Iran, Syria and certain swing states that didn’t go our way, watch out.

It’s a platform even teabaggers can understand.

Carl Heck

Aspen