Stumping for Stump | AspenTimes.com

Stumping for Stump

Dear Editor:One candidate for sheriff of Pitkin County is a confirmed jack off. The other is an incumbent overweight ex-dope head fresh from rehab.I hereby announce my write-in candidacy for the aforesaid public office. If elected, I will ban police from eating evidence, arrest anyone who closes or causes to be closed The Red Onion, run all illegal aliens over the divide back to the Eastern Slope, forcibly restore full flow to the Roaring Fork River and eliminate the grizzly bears.Also, some restrictions will apply to videotaping.To refute any mudslinging by the existing candidates, no, I have never used live minnows for bait in any body of water on the Western Slope. I admit to having used Muddler Minnows on occasion, but by and large prefer dry flies for brook trout.Bob StumpDeRidder, La.