So much for the Rockies
October 13, 2007
After last night’s (Oct. 6) victorious playoff sweep of the Phillies, I can no longer support the Colorado Rockies nor remain a loyal fan.
The high point of the game, for me, was the second inning, when the lights went out at Coors Field, and the 14-minute delay provided enough energy credits to power Al Gore’s pool house and John Edward’s 30,000-square-foot estate for more than a year. However, inevitably, the lights came back on and that maw of energy-consumptive obscenity was relit.
The outage ” I learned from this morning’s news reports ” was not the result of sabotage by West Coast activists, “Lights Out San Francisco” or “Unplug America,” it was a “computer glich,” in the basement at Coors Field.
This doubled my disappointment, because I watched last night’s game wearing my “Good things happen in the dark” T-shirt and hoping something positive could be salvaged from an otherwise disappointing evening. I thought to myself last night (between feeling bad about the esteem-crushing defeat suffered by Phillies players and fans) that at least we Coloradans could take pride in aligning ourselves with San Franciscans who understand the importance of sitting in the dark. In San Francisco, “Good things happen in the light,” as evidenced by hundreds of thousands of gay men attired in leather fetish outfits and sodomizing each other at last week’s Folsom Street Fair.
(Note: Please observe San Francisco’s “hour of darkness,” Oct. 20, during which Earth’s atmosphere will be spared the further accumulation of tons and tons and tons of carbon dioxide.)
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Further adding to my disgust was Rockies’ manager Clint Hurdle’s admission that ” in his hour of Coors Field darkness ” he stood before his players and cited the U.S. Marines: “Adapt. Improvise. Overcome.”
Why can’t we learn from San Francisco’s example: They reject the U.S. military and treat them like the pariahs they are. No commercials. No recruiting. No entering airport terminals. No berthing of ships, and no over-flights of Blue Angels jets at area air shows.
And no mention of the U.S. Marines in clubhouses, either ” least of all for the purpose of inspiring 20-something children to play sports better. Just disgusting.
So, I’m no longer a Rockies fan.
When they played in gray-faced anonymity and lost half their games, I could admire their colorless outfits and appreciate their willingness to share wins and losses equally with visiting teams.
Now that we are suddenly winning more than our fair share of contests and damaging the self-esteem of our rivals, I’m losing my appetite for the show. All this competitiveness is setting the wrong example for my kids, too. They have to return to Boulder this evening and resume their roles as teachers and research scientists.
Can they do that, with a clean conscience, after witnessing last night’s extravagant waste of energy resources, conspicuous consumption of unhealthy, high-fat foods and humiliating hammering of the Phillies?
I don’t think so.
I definitely won’t be watching when the Rocks take on the Diamondbacks to decide the NLCS, Thursday, Oct. 11, at Chase Field (time to be announced).