Marolt: Thankful for being God’s favorites
December 1, 2015
Dear God, thank you for the abundant blessings you have bestowed on us; or, more accurately, U.S.
Thank you for opportunity in work, relaxation and play. We are so fortunate to have so many options for making a living, choosing places to make our comfortable homes and partaking in all kinds of stimulating and meaningful activities in our free time.
Thank you for our cities of great commerce and our wide-open lands of wonder and beauty. There are not many places in this world where you can find such diversity of vast space contained in one country.
Thank you for our nearly perfect climate. Our country is as comfortable to reside in as it is fertile to produce all the food we need. Yet, within all the territory above which we fly our flag, we can vacation in climates interesting and different from the ones we reside in.
Thank you for the best healthcare system in the world. We are fortunate to have among the highest life expectancy of all the nations. Not only do we live longer, but medicine allows the quality of our lives to be better than those in foreign lands throughout all the extra years you have afforded us.
You have given us an abundance of food, a diversity of shelter, better health, fashionable and comfortable clothes upon our backs, productive and enjoyable ways to use our time, and the freedom to worship and thank you in any way we see fit for all of it.
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Most of all, thank you for giving us good justifications to not share all of this with anyone. As You well know, this abundance of everything good occurs because you have given us the common sense to keep other people from different parts of the world away from the gifts you have bestowed on us. It's very apparent that, if we let other people into our country to share all we have, you will punish us by lowering our standard of living.
I would be remiss at this point to ignore the great gift of intellect you have given us, too. It is our own brains that will help us preserve all the good things you have presented to us as wonderful gifts. It is our duty to use our minds for this purpose.
So, thank you for the great idea of building a wall between us and the people of Mexico. It is obviously a part of your plan for this planet. If you had intended for them to have plentiful food and meaningful ways to make a living or even the luxury of spare time spent in comfort with their families, you would have given these things to them. Perhaps, if the Mexicans are patient, you will eventually bless them, too.
When all the people of Earth see the billions of dollars that you have gifted us being put to work along with the thousands of healthy, happy, able-bodied Americans we will employ to erect the Great Wall III, surely they will marvel at the advantages you have willed for us.
Please know, also, that we are doing our best to keep Syrian refugees out of our country. Obviously they have great suffering to endure in their own country, but it is well beyond our limited human understanding to know why. And, obviously, we do not want them bringing their problems here to mess up all the good things you have given us. There must be a good reason for their suffering and thus they should stay at home to work their own problems out within the borders you gave them. Far be it from us, your humble American children, to interfere in this. We had to fight for what we have, right?
Clearly, Lord, Donald Trump is a blessing that we can't overlook, either. You have made him rich as proof that he is intelligent and on the right track. Keeping Syrians out and deporting Hispanics who somehow snuck in are part of his righteous plan to keep America pure and rich while honoring the one and true language, English.
I hope you elect him as our next president and give him the strength to bring back all the jobs we have lost overseas. The people in poor countries despise us for the great bounty you have bestowed upon us. That's not right and because of it, they don't deserve to take our jobs.
And this brings me to my closing: Dear God, please let the people in the rest of the world see that their jealousy of us is evil.
Roger Marolt will not share the turkey wing with anyone at his table this Thanksgiving. firstname.lastname@example.org
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