Marolt: Fluoridated water just in time for Halloween … and Christmas … and Valentine’s … | AspenTimes.com

Marolt: Fluoridated water just in time for Halloween … and Christmas … and Valentine’s …

Roger Marolt
Cluster Phobic

Roger Marolt

The bad news is that we're all going to die with fluoride in our systems. The good news is that none of us are going to die because it's in our systems.

Here's the weird thing, though: I honestly think the Village's people were more worked up about this fluoridated water issue than they were about the original Base Village proposal. I've never seen anything as contentious here.

Undoubtedly the Base Village proposal covered a greater time period than the several weeks we fought over whether or not to put fluoride back in our drinking water, after our water board took it out without consulting us first, so that the weight of the gargantuan development project that has become the rickets for Snowmass Village's forward progress into the modern era of destination resorts felt more overwhelming, but folks took this fluoride thing personally. They got mean. They got irrational. They let it ruin for them perhaps the most beautiful fall out of the 50-odd I've seen here.

We have to move past this. It's done for the foreseeable future. Let's agree right now that nobody — except for perhaps Tom Lankering, who has been harping locally about this issue for the last 25 years and so has earned the right to keep going because we're used to him — is going to write one more letter to the editor using the new Snowmass Village F-word. Even if earth-shattering new developments prove that f******* is the equivalent of rat poison in our instant soup we're not going to write about it, because it will be all over the news and anybody writing a letter to the papers about it will just be gloating.

Let’s agree right now that nobody

— except for perhaps Tom Lankering, who has been harping locally about this issue for the last 25 years and so has earned the right to keep going because we’re used to him

— is going to write one more letter to the editor using the new Snowmass Village F-word.

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Of course the best reason to move past this is because there is nobody here who personally knows anyone who knows anyone who has died from fluoride poisoning. We can all go on the Internet and find anecdotal stories about people who supposedly have, but nobody knows any real, identifiable human being who has actually toasted The Grim Reaper with a glass of fluoridated tap water. If anyone can prove me wrong on this, I promise to down a gallon of locally tainted fluoridated water each and every day until I succumb to its toxicity.

Next, we have to get over the idea that this is some great government conspiracy to somehow keep us under The Machine's evil spell. What on Earth would be anyone's motive to control us with fluoride poisoning? And, since they've supposedly been trying to take over the world since the 1940s by this method, I would say it's not very effective and they should try something else.

I can only speak for myself on this, but I swear nobody in a dark suit with an earpiece and shades with lenses made from welder's glass came to my door in the middle of the night, or any other time of day, and "convinced" me to vote for fluoridation, or else. I didn't even get a robo-call about this. Or, a pamphlet under my windshield wiper. I made the choice all by myself without any arm-bending from Fox News or a Tea Party Republican.

We also have to forget the idea that there was big, corporate money behind this. The "pro" in pro-fluoride, as far as I know, is not short for "professional." I admit that my vote on this issue could have been easily bought by as little as, say, a free beer coupon at Taster's, but I swear I didn't get a dime for my vote. The most I can say is that my mail-in ballot came with a postage-paid return envelope, but I assume that was also the case for people against fluoride.

Lastly, I think it's unfair to label the two-thirds of the people in our community who voted for fluoridated water as "idiots." First of all, it's not nice to generalize like that just because a large group disagrees with you. Secondly, when that many people disagree with you, it's really unlikely that a door-to-door education campaign is going to be effective in changing all their minds, so your next best bet is to form a coup to overthrow the establishment and then form a dictatorship to ensure that your moronic neighbors can never again get in your way of determining what's best for them. The big problems in doing this is that it is going to take one heck of a conspiracy of the minority to get it done and it will require a huge infusion of corporate money to accomplish.

Roger Marolt is thankful to have hard teeth and a thick skull. roger@maroltllp.com