Similarities of boarders, cab drivers | AspenTimes.com
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Similarities of boarders, cab drivers

On why snowboarders would make very good Manhattan taxicab drivers.

Don’t get me wrong here, I have no objection to boarders enjoying the mountains. Some of my best friends are enthusiasts of this new sport.

But, having said that, I feel compelled to comment, some would say critically, on a few of the peculiar riding habits others and I have observed with baffling and dizzying regularity, and a comparison to a Manhattan taxi driver seems to me to be the most vivid illustration and accurate comparison.

Similarities I see. You be judge if I am being overly sensitive.

Manhattan taxicab drivers:

1. Think they own the road. Not a whole lot of looking around to see who or what is approaching from other directions.

2. Assume that they have a divine right to the “right of way.”

3. Do not use rear view mirrors. A rear view mirror on a N.Y. cab lasts as long as free beer at a ski instructor’s party. And a rider with his back to you, which seems to be almost all the time, appears to think, “if I can’t see you through the front here, you ain’t there.”

4. Do not use turn signals. When the spirit moves you, dude, you make the move.

5. At a beginner’s level drive waaay too fast.

6. Are not graceful in traffic jams. Lots of collisions caused by wobbly and jerky one footed getting ahead movements while negotiating a traffic jam.

7. Don’t use back up lights. Going backward or forward is all the same, and the devil take the poor unwitting soul who cannot read minds or is not nimble enough to clear the way with no warning notice. Hey, figure it out and make up your mind.

8. Park whenever and wherever. If it seems convenient to double, triple or sextuple park, do it, even though you might be blocking one, two or six lanes. No need to have any regard for others barreling down on you who are rightfully expecting to use one of those lanes. Well, not our problem!

“Whoops sorry dudes didn’t mean to crash your party. Will you please hand me my helmet? I think my head is still in it.”

9. Dress in wrinkled, baggy, somewhat soiled, mismatched tops and bottoms in uniform-like earth tones that were designed using the same ample sizing patterns used when making a sumo wrestler’s wardrobe.

10. Speak a foreign language.

11. Spend most of the day sitting down.

Well, there you have it folks, straight from the shoulder. Now, if any of you dudes want to give me a high five, or even a low five, ouch you can contact me at: General Delivery, Mount Hardtogetto, Alaska, where I will be living in my camouflaged Airstream, which will be fueled and idling and ready to move fast in any direction at a moment’s notice.

I’ve had lots of practice at this maneuver.

Bill McDonough

Formerly of Aspen


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