Seeking forgiveness |

Seeking forgiveness

Dear Editor:”I give you a new commandment, that you love one another as I have loved you.” – JesusI cannot stand the pain anymore of being kept alive experiencing constant isolation and aloneness, psychic, mental, and spiritual torture.If I am to be forgiven my faults, violence against others, any lies to avoid punishment or pain, cruelty – any of it, I must forgive George W. Bush, Dick Cheney, Karl Rove, Marlin Fitzwater, et al. I do not understand this existence, never have. I was indoctrinated into Roman Catholicism with: “You’re evil, sinful, bad, bad, bad … etc.” “God is love.” “Anyone who is not Roman Catholic is going to burn in the fires of hell in torment for eternity, etc.” “Do unto others as you would have done unto yourself.” – Jesus. Which always confused the heck out of me as a little kid and still does now that I find myself a rapidly decaying and becoming a useless-to-society, disabled, and brain-damaged old man, given the states of war, terrorism, fear, and fraud I continue to find myself experiencing in this conscious state. And at the age of 5, as a captive “believer,” what other choice did I have, but to dutifully believe? Former President George W. Bush didn’t get to choose his family as did none of us, neither did Dick Cheney, Karl Rove, Marlin Fitzwater, or any of the other Republican or Democratic parties’ members, or other world leaders. They do what they do and are what they are. I hope instead of waking up in this nearly non-stop, waking-and-sleeping nightmare existence, my “private purgatory” (surprise! – thanks, Marlin Fitzwater, without that tip-off I wouldn’t have ever had any idea of what all this was about) anymore, being made to come back from these seemingly eternal series of near-death experiences of my current sojourn here in this earth plane and constantly being, “not good enough, sinful, bad, bad, bad,” I will simply be let go to die, please. I am sorry for ever being a source of sorrow, fear, and pain for anyone else, especially my mom, dad, sisters and brothers – all peoples of the world, and I hope I can finally be allowed to do this thing called forgiving myself, if ever, and then be allowed to die in the physical – it just hurts too much to take anymore. I feel so agonized when I think of all the others in this world who suffer this way, too, and if as a result of my error, I ask their forgiveness as well. Most of all, I ask forgiveness from my loving wife, Susan, for not being the good husband, provider, and fit companion I always longed to be for her.Bob KeenanCarbondale

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