Sage advice for Toni | AspenTimes.com

Sage advice for Toni

My name surfaced several times in Toni Kronberg’s most recent literary masterpiece (Aspen Times, April 9). Although quite busy, I found time for incisive commentary on what she said.

What’s happened here is that she has intervened – uninvited, to be sure – into a dispute between Roger Marolt and myself. Her grasp of the facts was minimal, and she had the audacity to profer advice to me.

I am mystified why all these people are so keen for me to put the skis on again. I understand that I was horrible to watch in my day, despite the fact that I was first down the vulva of Highland Bowl (March 29, 1971, slideable conditions, and eat your heart out Ray and Sepp because corn doesn’t count).

Returning to the central theme, I have some sage advice for Toni. This in view of the fact that Roger and I were doing perfectly OK in getting this matter resolved in our duel of pens.

Toni, next time you feel like picking up a pen, reach for a broom instead. Do not attempt to ride it, but instead deploy it in vigorous sweeping motions. You’ve gone off the deep end, Toni, and are in way over your head. I’m here to help, Toni.

As I conclude my kindly counsel here (voice from the wings: “Luhn, report to sensitivity training on the double! We’ve had Marge Schott here before (bigotry deprogramming) and our chauvinism counselors can’t wait to get their hands on you.”

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