Overheard on Smuggler | AspenTimes.com

Overheard on Smuggler

Dear Editor:

“Look dear; there goes a bison.”

“That’s not a bison dear, that’s a marmot; but from a distance out here in the wilderness, many animals look alike.”

“What’s a marmot, dear?”

“Well, a marmot is a furry animal which lives high in the treetops and subsists on pinescones and stuff. It’s a lazy animal that just hangs around most of the time like the multi-toed sloth, but sometimes climbs down to drink from the creek.”

“We should move here, dear; with your knowledge, you could teach nature classes, and I could teach yoga for poodles like I did in Sedona.”

“Although, I think now that the children are grown, we should trade in the Escalades for two cute matching little Range Rovers which I know are quite acceptable among the better class of people.”

“Also, I read in Cosmopolitan, that when you move to Aspen, you’re supposed to have a dog, preferably a team of them.”

“I’ve also read that Aspen may be getting a new sheriff from West Palm Beach who wants to rid the town of all the old ’60s and ’70s types who smoke that ‘grass stuff’ and make fun of people like us.”

“If you ask me, the world would be a much better place if people thought and lived as we do, dear.”

“Also, the ‘new Aspen’ people are for more polite, civil, and intelligent; and so, maybe we could talk Rush into moving here and becoming mayor, and get rid of that old bicycling guy.”

“Bicycles shouldn’t be allowed on the roads, anyway; roads were made for cars.”

“Dear, are you listening to me?”

Art Allard


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