Organic, yes. Energy, yes. Focus, not so much |

Organic, yes. Energy, yes. Focus, not so much

It’s 4:41 on a Thursday afternoon ” Friday is in sight, and beyond that, a weekend ” and I have a story that needs to be written. So while I am enthused about the health claims of Syzmo ” no high fructose corn syrup, “the first and only certified Glycemic Index Tested carbonated beverage in the world,” organic caffeine ” what I’m really interested in is that word, front and center, right above the Syzmo: “energy.”

I want something that will kick me in the ass, cause my fingers to fly across the keyboard and file this story so I can go home.

The package, I admit, is enticing. Shiny and metallic, slim and sleek. The flavor, too, is promising: prickly pear. The enticing packaging informs me that there are vitamins + antioxidants, blue agave, and that Syzmo is organic. (The word “organic” appears five times on the bottle, not counting the eight times in the list of ingredients, or the word “organico,” also used eight times.) I also note that the authority under which the drink is canned, the Organic Beverage Company, is located in Hillside, N.J. ” the same town under whose authority both my parents were canned. Uh, born.

First sip ” wonderful. As promised, lightly carbonated. Fruity. That ever-so-slight cough medicine-y aftertaste is easy to ignore. I down all 12 fluid ounces, ponder whether a fluid ounce weighs the same as a regular one, sit back and wait for Syzmo to work its magic. Syzmo ” that’s a name that connotes super powers. Wasn’t he part of the Justice League of America? Or one of the Fantastic Four?

As I wait for this story to practically write itself, let’s back up a moment. I have no idea what it means to be “certified Glycemic Index Tested.” Wait, there it is: “a ranking of carbohydrates according to their effect on blood glucose levels.” So all that means is it’s been tested. And “organic caffeine” ” I know what that means. That any ingredient, no matter how nefarious, can be made organically. There are such things as organic cigarettes.

OK, back to that story. But first, back to the label. Syzmo has organic coffee fruit concentrate. Did I mention that already? I wonder if that’s the same thing as coffee? I never drink coffee, and imagine I’m probably extremely sensitive to coffee. Or coffee fruit concentrate. Maybe I shouldn’t have drank that whole can. Serving size: 8 fluid ounces. So I drank one and a half servings. In 10 seconds. Yikes.

Definitely getting jittery. Or is that energized? Definitely not going to drink those other two cans, Passion and Original. At least not right now. Not if I’m going to write that story. What is “Original” supposed to taste like? I mean, say what you will about the concept of “ranch” as a flavor ” it’s not a flavor, but at least you know how to expect it to taste. But “original”? Didn’t Trident gum come in “original” flavor? I always went for cinnamon.

5:22 p.m. I’ve peed twice. Haven’t started that story. Oh, but quiz me on the Syzmo can info, and the accompanying literature. I guess the lesson is, an energy drink can provide the energy, but it’s still up to the drinker to provide the focus for that energy.

Plan for tomorrow: Wake up, drink the other two cans of Syzmo, hike up Buttermilk. Or spend two hours surfing, and learning more about the Glycemic Index.

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