On the Table: Enough’s enough
Ugh. I’ve had enough. More than enough. I’m sinking rapidly into a food coma, and I think I might have to go home and put on some sweatpants.I’m grateful The Aspen Times is willing to spread out a sumptuous feast for those of us working on Thanksgiving. But really, how do you expect us to work with a belly full of Tryptophan? You’ll have to excuse me if I doze off in the middle of this column.This will go down as a memorable Thanksgiving for me. It might not sound warm and fuzzy to spend the afternoon with a bunch of smart-alecky co-workers, but I think sarcasm is as much an national tradition as apple pie, family dysfunction and an up-and-coming American tradition: Hyperbole.On the slopes at Snowmass for opening day, reporter Charlie Agar observed that Americans don’t know how to give a non-superlative review. The year’s first tracks weren’t good. They were spectacular. Righteous. Amaaaaaazing. By the time he got back to the office, he was ready for the best Thanksgiving in the history of Thanksgivings.We only have a couple obligations today – other than our jobs. We have to feed some turkey to Scoop, the office cat, and we’re supposed to load the dishes in the dishwasher after the catered affair. If we hold true to form, the latter will prove too difficult for us, and we’ll get a courteously scolding e-mail from office manager Dottie Wolcott. Serving double duty as the office mom, Dottie regularly reminds us to pick up after ourselves. We regularly don’t, but we’re really sorry.The afternoon was progressing quite well. We told some off-color jokes and poked fun at each other and at the employees who weren’t here.But sweet turned to sour when a pair of my co-workers, who have asked not to be named, began exchanging gaseous expulsions in the newsroom. The battle culminated when one fellow worker overwhelmed the other with his impression of a triceratops, followed by the exclamation, “Now I’m just showing off.” He quashed his opponent with the poise of a tenured pro.The Olfactory Challenge was amaaaaaazing, but like I said, I’ve had enough.The Aspen Times, Aspen, Colo.
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