On the Diamond: Train wreck
ASPEN They still suck, but there may be hope after all for The Aspen Times nine, whose recent bouts in the bush league sportswriter Jon Maletz has so eloquently chronicled. Monday night, Maletz was in Denver attending the Rockies-Yankees matchup. I can’t see why he went to see the likes of Matt Holliday, Derek Jeter, and A-Rod and squandered the chance to actually report the most uplifting news so far in this still-young softball season: Citing an injured knee, Tim Kurnos, captain of the Aspen Times rec-league softball team, abruptly announced his resignation Tuesday, sparking a chorus of “Ding-Dong”s in the halls of 310 E. Main St. “I can’t run anymore,” Kurnos lamented. Questions, however, abounded whether Kurnos could ever run in the first place, and if Tuesday’s announcement was simply an exit strategy to avoid being the face of a team en route to group therapy. What is clear is that Kurnos had no problem running this hapless squad into the rec league cellar with an 0-3 mark. On and off over the years, I’ve toiled around in the co-ed rec league, but Monday’s crash-and-burn outing set new standards for the truly dismal. I’d never seen an offense in a vanilla softball league like this go three-up, three down. We did it twice. Under Kurnos’ management, our scorecard looked like the Mapquest to Loserville. And we’re talking slow-pitch softball – cheeseburgers served up on a hot plate. Yet the airtight defense of our opponents – Taster’s Pizza, a team that practices way too much and actually goes for walks, combined with our inept offense, was a recipe for new benchmarks in futility.As if that dubious distinction was not enough, under Kurnos’ reign we managed to run out of beer in the second inning of the season opener, be on the losing end of three games that ended prematurely because of the so-called 10-run rule, and actually garner sympathy from the umpires.Can you remember the last time a local newspaper actually got sympathy – from anybody? I can’t. We can thank Tim Kurnos for that.
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