On the Diamond: Rules change
The Aspen Times
Aspen, CO Colorado
ASPEN ” A teammate likened Monday night’s game to a root canal.
Since I’ve never had the procedure, I concocted a few other analogies. It was just like the time I duct taped my eyebrows (just because your friends say it’s a good idea doesn’t mean it really is). It was like watching “Weekend at Bernie’s II”. It was like being locked in a dark basement while Enya’s “Orinoco Flow” blares on repeat.
Playing defending-champion Zane’s is downright painful. It’s the equivalent of the Dream Team squaring off with Lithuania at the 1992 Olympics.
I guess that makes me Aluydas Pazdrazdis.
Really, is wearing out the plastic on your cleats as you lap the bases and running up the score against a decidedly overmatched opponent really anyone’s idea of fun? You know things are bad when some of your teammates spend the middle innings discussing blowing off softball and starting a bowling league.
Isn’t there something we could do to develop a little competitive balance? I implore the Aspen Recreation Department to consider a few new guidelines for weeding out the teams that take this a little too seriously. I have a few suggestions.
Coed rec. softball might not be for you if:
– You are over the age of 25 and own a bat bag.
– Your team recruits former ball players (not Russian page designers who don’t know softball from bocce ball).
– You’re team’s pre-game warm-ups involve infield and outfield practice, not two Bud Lights and a handful of sunflower seeds.
– You played baseball after high school.
– You have teammates who play in the men’s league.
– You know your batting average.
– You are so adept at the plate that, regardless of the score, you hit the ball the opposite way to exploit the other team’s weaknesses.
– Your name appears at least one time in “Total Baseball.”
– You know what first-and-third defenses are.
* You’ve turned a double play and it wasn’t by accident or sheer luck.
– You look like Ben Roethlisberger.
– You tell your outfielders to “look for the cutoff and back up the infield,” not “Just try not to get hurt.”
– Your team has a designated scorekeeper.
– You own a pair of baseball pants.
– Winning is more important to you than having fun.
Support Local Journalism
Support Local Journalism
Readers around Aspen and Snowmass Village make the Aspen Times’ work possible. Your financial contribution supports our efforts to deliver quality, locally relevant journalism.
Now more than ever, your support is critical to help us keep our community informed about the evolving coronavirus pandemic and the impact it is having locally. Every contribution, however large or small, will make a difference.
Each donation will be used exclusively for the development and creation of increased news coverage.
Start a dialogue, stay on topic and be civil.
If you don't follow the rules, your comment may be deleted.
User Legend: Moderator Trusted User
A driver looking to squeeze one last four-wheel drive up Aspen Mountain discovered that it’s not the ascent but the decent that poses a challenge.