On the Diamond: Last shall be first
ASPEN For the first time in ages – or at least as far back as anyone in the newsroom can remember – The Aspen Times fielded a squad for the season-ending rec league softball tournament.We were pumped. We were casually optimistic. We were dead meat. As far as firsts go, we might have set a new record during our two losses Saturday to close out yet another memorable, utterly forgettable season.Topping the list has to be handing the Hickory House – one of the three teams we actually beat this summer – its first and only win.I personally take credit for the loss. On the mound, I served up more balls than the Rocky Mountain Oyster vendors at Coors Field. I couldn’t pitch a strike in a union hall. The aptly named Pigs feasted on my utter failure to locate the plate, and literally strolled to a lopsided win.After the final out, the Pigs celebrated like they’d just won the World Series, while I and the rest of the hapless Aspen Times nine sulked back to the dugout to drink away our anguish.Knowing that the opening loss meant a date with a team at the top of the bracket – and another demoralizing defeat – we proceeded to drink like Britney Spears at an Irish wedding.We drank so much, in fact, that editor and starting third baseman Rick Carroll actually had to call his wife to bring more beer – another first and unquestionably the highlight of the afternoon.That, of course, was followed by a montage of lowlights in a crushing mercy-rule loss to Keelty Construction.Considering the pre-game beer binge, I don’t remember much, other than the three home runs that Keelty’s Goliath-sized clean-up hitter smashed off me.That, or Rick trying to bare-hand a routine infield fly during the midst of one of Keelty’s seemingly-ending rallies, only to drop it. Seriously, who tries to bare-hand a ball in the middle of a 10-run drubbing?Just another first to underline why we’re the worst.
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