On the Course: Off course, all day
The Aspen Times
Aspen, CO Colorado
ASPEN ” From optimism to dejection in 1.2 seconds. My relationship with golf is as frustratingly simple as that.
I was all smiles as I walked from the driving range to the first tee Sunday at the Aspen Golf Club. A minor swing change had me feeling comfortable and confident with every club. As I teed up my ball, one of my playing partners pointed out the ideal part of the fairway from which to attack the green.
He should’ve saved his breath. Seconds later, I awkwardly drew the club back, struck the ball and watched as it darted to the left, clipping three different pine trees before coming to rest in the rough. I hope no rare birds were nesting nearby.
In one fell swoop, my balanced swing had disappeared. I looked like someone using every muscle in their body to cough up a chicken bone lodged in their trachea.
It gets worse. It always gets worse.
My second shot veered to the left once again, and when I finally spotted the ball, it was resting on an adjacent Aspen Junior Golf practice green, a few feet from a group of startled youngsters. One man jokingly suggested I “Pick a hole and putt out.”
Instead, I took a drop and, with the group watching my every move ” they were either teeming with curiosity or they accurately sensed that their lives were in danger should they turn their backs ” I managed to find the actual green some 30 yards away.
Here are a few more highlights (or low-lights) from an afternoon spent embarrassing myself and making a mockery of the game of golf:
– In an attempt to channel my inner Phil Mickelson, I eyed a clearing between two imposing branches and attempted to punch a shot through. My ball drilled a tree trunk, bounced backward and landed at my feet.
– One of my drives on the back nine landed on Highway 82. ( If anyone finds a Titleist 2 by the roundabout, I’d like it back.)
– I lined up a putt 5 feet from the cup, pulled the putter back and through, then watched hopelessly as the ball screamed past the hole and nearly trickled off the green. I went on to four-putt. My playing partners had another laugh at my expense. I decided I have about as much touch as an ax-wielding lumberjack trying to play a Steinway.
– I attempted a chip over a small body of water on 18, but the ball struck the hozzle and made a splash landing. I go on to record an eight for the hole and a 108 for the day ( that’s 69 cents a shot). On the bright side, you get more for your money when you put up bowling score-like numbers.
– I decided I’ll spend next Sunday on the couch ” or some place far from the junior
Support Local Journalism
Support Local Journalism
Readers around Aspen and Snowmass Village make the Aspen Times’ work possible. Your financial contribution supports our efforts to deliver quality, locally relevant journalism.
Now more than ever, your support is critical to help us keep our community informed about the evolving coronavirus pandemic and the impact it is having locally. Every contribution, however large or small, will make a difference.
Each donation will be used exclusively for the development and creation of increased news coverage.
Start a dialogue, stay on topic and be civil.
If you don't follow the rules, your comment may be deleted.
User Legend: Moderator Trusted User
What’s the Big Deal runs Mondays and is based on the prior week’s most expensive property transaction recorded in the Pitkin County Clerk & Recorder’s Office.