Offseason delights | AspenTimes.com

Offseason delights

Dear Editor:

Ahh, what a fine day we had on Tuesday! The last day of September, my favorite month, which runs from Sept. 15 (my mother’s birthday) to Oct. 16 (my birthday). I had enjoyed donating blood at the Health Center, had then proceeded to partake in a lovely birthday lunch at Gusto, courtesy of my friend Sheila, and then gone on to a small wine trade tasting at Dish restaurant.

I was happily riding my bike home to walk the dog, enjoying the virtually empty offseason streets as I headed down Monarch toward Mill. At about Hopkins or so, I noticed that the light at Main Street was red, so I cut a couple of stylish dados on my trusty Schwinn townie as I began slowing for the light, taking up perhaps 6 to 8 feet of road width. BEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEP! Holy crap! Who would have guessed that a BMW would make so little noise coming up behind me at 40 mph that the driver would need to enthusiastically engage his klaxons to move me out of the way? Those German cars are sure well-engineered!

With a throaty vroom-vroom, the magnificent piece of European-made male-enhancement made an exaggerated arc around me, accelerated briskly toward the red traffic signal just a few yards away, and then braked strongly to a stop at the light. Amused, I pulled up beside the white-shirt-and-khaki-clad driver, tapped politely on the window, and after it slid silently down, inquired why he was in such a hurry to come to a stop? The driver must have known it was my birthday, because he invited me to perform an act that, while probably pleasurable, is, at least in my case, physiologically impossible!

I was then treated to a long series of extremely creative four-letter expletives as the car sped through the now-green light. Impressive! I wish I could have heard more of the driver’s strenuous exhortations, as several people on the other side of the street seemed to really enjoy what was being vehemently shouted. I, unhappily, was left unhearing in his Teutonic dust …

I was still chuckling as I made my way down to the Rio Grande Trail for my Autumn splendiferous bicycle commute out to the ABC. Don’t you just love offseason in Aspen?

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Mike Monroney

Aspen