Now it all makes sense | AspenTimes.com

Now it all makes sense

Dear Editor:

They say that a sign of mental illness is doing the same thing over and over again while expecting a different result. I am feeling that I am now at this point with my letters to the editor. It is probably time to now quit this futile pastime.

However, while writing this letter I had an epiphany, quite exciting. I wasn’t looking at the big picture and the Art Gallery brought things into focus. First I thought that maybe because Aspen is full of beautiful people that aliens had taken over the bodies of some of our politicians, and were using our town as a breeding colony in preparation for taking over the world.

That idea faded and reality quickly took over. Suppose you covered the outer museum wall with plywood, and between the outer wall and the useless space between buildings you filled it with concrete. You would then have created an impenetrable fortress, and that is when I realize that everything is, and has been about: Homeland Security. (They presently have 10,000 locations across the United States, and 854,000 employees with top-secret clearances, so this scenario is very feasible.)

They then would have a secure space with giant elevators to haul staff and generals up to the monitoring stations. Next comes the hospital, huge underground parking, another safe bunker, and then with 27,000 square feet of doctors offices you could accommodate 50 or so physicians to handle the influx of security people. Now the giant new airport terminal and runway from hell makes sense. VIP waiting rooms and enough runway to bring in cargo aircraft filled with top-secret documents.

In this new context, many other projects also started to make sense. They have mostly all been driven by out-of-towners. The proposed Wheeler expansion, the Bidwell Building, the timeshares and giant building approved under Helen, all designated to handle the huge rush of new citizens. There were still some mysteries: Why had an out-of-town group spent probably over $100,000 in legal fees to get a straight-shot highway into town? Then it all really jelled for me, and with it a chance for all of us to benefit from this.

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First we must corner the steel and concrete market for 200 miles around our town. Then the next obvious project would be a six-lane elevated highway right into the new Homeland Security center to handle all the Hummers. We could all be rich; what an opportunity.

I promise you I am going to do only two more letters, and then I am going out to pasture. I appreciate your patience over the years.

Leslie Holst

Aspen

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