My New Year’s resolutions |

My New Year’s resolutions

Dear Editor:

I shall wake up every morning with a smile on my face, and a song on my lips

I will not sing in public

No matter who wakes up next to me, I’ll be polite and ask them their name

I shall not waste toothpaste

I will not throw the cat out the window

I shall not wear clothes that are two sizes too small

I will not pay attention to people who point at me

I will not lie about trying to lose 20 lbs this year

And stop replacing the tags in my clothes

I’ll limit myself to three espresso shots in my morning and afternoon coffee

And try to be calmer in the morning, and the afternoon

I will not use profanity before noon

I’ll say please and thank you to people I have no real use for

I will cross the street at the corner

And not give the finger to drivers who ignore my right of way

I will not throw the cat out the window

I’ll help old ladies cross the street

Unless they move too slow

I will remember my parents, and my only friend’s birthdays’

And be grateful, for the tasteless presents I receive from them

At cocktail hour I will limit myself to four Martini’s

I will not drive drunk… again

I will not sleep with anyone, until at least the second date

I shall write each day in my diary to better understand myself

I’ll buy a diary

I will not throw the cat out the window

Andrew Kole


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