Moon over my Aspen
The Aspen Times
Aspen, CO Colorado
ASPEN ” I mooned you Tuesday night at 9 p.m., Aspen. Did you feel it?
Maybe you were just putting the kids to bed or starting your second job. Perhaps you had just stepped outside for a smoke, were counting your real estate beans or were sniffing something off the back of a toilet tank somewhere.
But if you looked up at Smuggler Mountain, Aspen, you’d have seen it: My big, white butt.
I just couldn’t stop thinking about you, Aspen: Your interminable public meetings, your blathering bureaucrats and sniveling gadflies, your NIMBY wars, nasty letter writers and endless stream of acronyms.
You tell me you’re preserving the local lifestyle, Aspen. Then “pop” goes another 15,000-square-foot castle that will sit empty. Somewhere a property manager smiles.
Your impotence over your Entrance confounds me, Aspen, as I sit in traffic with a canary on my shoulder.
Your cougars and party girls, shredders and potheads, adventure sport snobs and exercise bulimics are bringing me down, Aspen.
Not to mention your parking ticket tyrants, the SUVs bearing down on me in your crosswalks or dog poop on your trails.
My head was just swimming with thoughts of you on Tuesday night, Aspen. So I took it to the mountain, as I often do, and hoped the near-full moon night would clear my head.
But my frustrations only snowballed with each uphill trod. And when I got to the viewing platform on top of the Smuggler Mountain, I got you in my sights, Aspen.
I still love you, Aspen. Or at least that’s what I thought as I unzipped my fly.
“It’s not you; it’s me,” I almost said aloud, bending and aiming. But you’ve driven me to this.
As the cold air brushed past my bare, glowing cheeks, a grin spread across my face, and somewhere a coyote howled.
I mooned you on Tuesday, Aspen, and I’m not sorry.
The Aspen Skiing Co. reported 1 inch of new snow at all four local ski areas over the past 24 hours in its Thursday morning snow report.
The Colorado Avalanche Information Center report for Thursday, Feb. 21:
Avalanche danger for the Aspen zone today is moderate on all aspects and at all elevations. Human-triggered avalanches remain possible. On all aspects, the most suspect areas are steep slopes with new and recent windloading.
Go to http://avalanche.state.co.us/ for the full report and information on conditions statewide.
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City of Aspen officials are trying to figure out what the downtown core looks like this winter as COVID-19 cases are on the rise in the state and in some parts of the country.