Make it to-go, please | AspenTimes.com
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Make it to-go, please

Dear Editor:

Holy cow! You can’t just go in there and blast the cows to smithereens, can you?

You can’t really light ’em up with Boy Scout fluid either. Burn ban.



Better make a call soon – things gonna get nasty up in there.

Whose cows are they? Poor cows never knew what a cownundrum they were headed for.



The problem brings rise to the complete clown show that is our government. Someone make a call and either throw a barbecue or find a way to make that cabin habitable for hikers and horsemen. Please do something!

Suggestion from the peanut gallery that is I:

I have friends who used to haul huge tanks of nitrogen for the avalauncher down into Hyde Park on an evacuation sled for avy work in Highland Bowl. These tanks when full are as heavy as a coupe o’ calves, for sure. I tried it once, but I am way too small for that contract. But I digress. You need someone large who can ski down a hill with a parted-out cow in his sled. See Lumpy or Divot Boy.

Some of these friends also work the summers up there on Highlands running chain saws. The Forest Service must know them, as these guys wouldn’t cut down anything without proper permits from local government.

Forget the explosives – too messy. Torching the cows and the cabin is ludicrous and against human decency.

Suit these guys up in a hazmat suit and some safety goggles, give ’em a sharp chain saw, and let ’em get after it. Cut those cows into quarters, load ’em up in a toboggan, and get ’em outta there.

Imagine the cows: lost and wandering, just looking for a place to ride out the storm. Sounds like local government to me.

We can’t wait to see what happens. Just do the right thing and try not to make a huge mess of it.

This thing is going viral. It’s quite mooooving.

Mark Campion

Golden


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