In a perfect world
Dear Editor:”A bump, two dips and a rumble strip – that’s Woody Creek,” as the bumper sticker proclaims. The Woody Creek St. Patrick’s Day Parade and Neighborhood Yard Sale was a success. The parade had more entries this year than any year in the past. A total of four cars, one pale mint green Vespa with a rear tire in need of a refill, two Aspen Community School dropouts who played “Danny Boy” on a trombone and a tuba, a demolished 1968 Ford Fairlane (towed by a tractor) which once took fourth place at the Woody Creek Race Track 19 years ago, the three Marching Waitstaff of Woody Creek Tavern, and this year’s Grand Marshal, the beautiful postmistress, who rode gloriously high in a green/primer gray 1972 Dodge Power Wagon. We are grateful that the U.S. Postal Service granted her five extra minutes during her lunch break.The parade began sharply at 12 noon, taking the path eastbound down our infamous Woody Creek Plaza. The citizens who lined both sides of the road applauded as the procession slowly maneuvered the first of two dips in the road. Both of the patrons having lunch inside the tavern rushed out to watch the festivities. Across the rumble strip, the “band” and the marchers avoided mishap and maintained their footing. Past the second dip, the participants of the parade concluded their 1/32nd-mile course as they disbanded in the parking lot of the fire station.At precisely 12:03, the crowd dispersed and the more adventurous celebrators took naked to the new community hot tub behind the tavern, filled with Bailey’s Irish Cream. Those not so inclined to public displays of nudity ventured to the front of the Woody Creek Store to sift through the goods offered up at the yard sale.I’m proud to say that once again this year I took first honors in the Woody Creek St. Patrick’s Day Ugliest and Most Feared Dog Contest, making me the Grand Champion for three consecutive years. I believe I overheard one of the wives of a volunteer fireman voicing her cries of unfairness, demanding that the issue be addressed at the next Woody Creek Caucus: the amendment of a two-year consecutive term limit will be voted on. If I am not soaking in the new community hot tub when that meeting takes place, I may be willing to cast my vote in favor of the limit.”Irish” Kit O’CarraWoody Creek
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