I’m ready to kick ass with the Bayou Bengals
Being an obsessive fan of LSU football, I’m not easy to please when it comes to gifts. I’ve got an LSU miniature football stadium, an LSU poncho and LSU grilling equipment. Hell, I’ve even got a bottle of LSU merlot.But my latest possession, a birthday gift given by my wife to whet my obsession, tops them all. So when I proudly displayed my purple-and-gold bowling shoes at Tuesday’s newsroom staff meeting, my editor let me know they were the perfect item for Gear Review.
I haven’t stepped into the shoes, however, so it would be disingenuous to call this a review. Let’s call it a Gear Preview – of how I expect Saturday, Nov. 3, to go down. By 11 a.m. that day, I will have laced up my purple-and-gold shoes. That’s when the festivities kick off, starting with some trading in the liquor section at Carl’s.Around noon at my place, provided my wife is in a mood to please, the scintillating aroma of seafood gumbo will be wafting in the air.On the couch will be me, wearing my bowling shoes. On ESPN will be College Game Day, featuring those overpaid pundits who are guaranteed to gush about Nick Satan and what he’s done to restore pride in Alabama football.
Coach Satan, you see, abandoned Baton Rouge and his legions of worshippers in 2005 for the Miami Dolphins. He then endured two years in the shadow of Don Shula before being seduced by Alabama’s offer of $4 million a year. So yes, there’s some bad blood here – because Satan went to the inbred hub of the South, and because Alabama fans are an unruly tribe that would better serve society by relocating to a remote island, preferably in another hemisphere. There they could watch ‘Bama football, thanks to the satellite dishes hanging from their double-wides – unless pro wrestling or NASCAR is on.Not only that, the SEC West division is on the line. And when the Bayou Bengals invade Tuscaloosa on Saturday at 3 p.m. our time, I confidently expect Glenn Dorsey and the LSU defense to usher the Crimson Tide to the woodshed, one limb at a time.You can bet your boots I’ll be wearing my LSU bowling shoes, ready to do some ass-kicking. If all goes well, I’ll be wearing both shoes at the end of the fourth quarter. If not, our Sony TV set may have some new scuff marks.
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