Hey you – give a hoot | AspenTimes.com

Hey you – give a hoot

Dear Editor:(This letter was originally addressed to “whomever the schmuck may be.”)Yeah you!I caught you red-handed littering this past Sunday morning around 9:05 at City Market by the newspaper boxes. When I pointed it out to you, you replied: “I don’t have time for you,” with your pathetic Italian accent and smelly cigarette breath. You then proceeded to threaten me and give me attitude. Hey buddy, it’s offseason and I plan to make a lot of time for you, I followed you and know where you’re staying on Hyman Avenue. I’ll be watching your every move, and if you and your tanning clinic, girly looking, like orange poop-smear tan on your mug and these hideous oversized sunglasses, blue hooded sweater and black manes-hanging-in-front of your eyes, EVER LITTER AGAIN in our town, I will have you arrested and deported to the little pile of filth you may have crawled out of so you can feel right at home, you weasely little schmuck.Obviously you are new in town, I hope you enjoy your stay, because I guarantee you: With such attitude, it will be a short lived one. Litterbugs like you we simply run out of town.Danno RolandAspen