Have a point | AspenTimes.com

Have a point

It’s been some time since last I wrote, your fine newspaper being less accessible in Boulder than it was in Basalt. However, having finally noticed good ole Loony Toons Luhn still bandying my name about, I thought I’d write to see how the dear old coot is getting along. I tried to follow the thread of his long-running battle with Todd Coghi but couldn’t make an ounce of sense of it, so I’m not sure if his ratings are up or down right now.

Either way, I’m still happy to be your grammar and syntax coach, dear chap. Who knows, with twenty years or so of intensive instruction, I might yet make you lucid. I’ll start with Rule Number One, and perhaps I’ll further enlighten you further from time to time when (and if) I notice you’re learning.

So, for the benefit of Pete Luhn, the first rule of writing to the local newspaper: have a point. I know it seems obvious to most of us, but someone in Luhn’s long-distant formative years evidently taught him that loquacity is an admirable substitute for substance. Not so, old boy.

So If I were a rancorous codger with nothing better to do with my time than vilify my neighbors, (but I had a genuine and deep-seated desire for acceptance that manifested itself in a need for publication of my opinions) then what would I write about if I wanted the world to stop thinking I was an ass? Personally, I suggest the weather, the rising price of tomatoes, and the shocking styles sported by today’s youth might make excellent subjects.

What do you say, Pete? Care to write an interesting, error-free diatribe on the rising price of tomatoes? More to the point, are you able to? (No pigeon references will be tolerated.)

Jonathan Rice


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