Handing off the White House | AspenTimes.com

Handing off the White House

Dear Editor:

January, 2001. Clinton: “Here you go, George. Eight years of peace and prosperity. Budget surplus. Have fun, keep your eye on the ball. And, uh … probably shouldn’t be havin’ any of those … y’know, hummers here in the White House. But I don’t think you’ll have to worry about that.”

* * *

January, 2009. Bush: “Hey… Senor Obama! Here’s the keys. A few things might need some cleanin’ up, but I always leave that to the new tenants. You folks are probably used to that, anyway.

“Ran up a little deficit, somewhere around $12 trillion, I think. Somebody else takes care of payin’ my card. And there’s a couple wars we got started, horribly mismanaged, some people say. A real fiasco. (pause) Isn’t that the American word for fiesta? Anyway, probably best if you just get us outta there. But at this point … damned if we do, damned if we don’t, know what I mean?

“The rest of the world seems to hate us. What happened there? They were on our side after 9-11, speaking of which… I know lots of people were warning us about it, but I was busy cuttin’ brush in Crawford, trying to get in some ‘me time.’ And I was doin’ lotsa talkin’ to Jesus and his Dad about that whole … stem-cell stuff. So it’s not like I wasn’t doin’ somethin’!!

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“What else? Probably should’ve kept an eye on Wall Street. They told me things were fine, but now the banks are goin’ under, and we’re on the brink of what could be the biggest financial meltdown since The Great Depression.

“But, hey, not everybody’s hurtin’. My compadres in the oil business made record profits. Defense contractors, too. ‘Little Dick’ – that’s my nickname for him, heh-heh – ‘little Dick’ made millions from his interest in Halliburton.

“So whadaya say we stop all this whining? (pause) At least there were no hummers in the White House. (longer pause) How in the hell was I gonna drive my Hummer in there in the first place?

“And there ya go, amigo. Huge deficit, a couple wars, lots of new enemies, financial meltdown. Have fun … and good luck!”

Obama: “Gee, thanks a lot, A-hole.”

***

So now we have to bring in the black guy to clean up the mess made by the stupid, spoiled rich-kid? What else is new in America?

My advice: Steer clear of the misguided patriots in hard-core denial, still Humming along in the wrong direction with their “Bush/Cheney” bumper stickers.

Oh, well, at least we know who’s responsible for this mess.

Steve Saylor

Carbondale