Ed Quillen: A new Declaration for modern America
Aspen Times Weekly
With Independence Day just past, I figured it was my patriotic duty to read the Declaration of Independence. However, in light of modern developments, the 232-year-old document not only seemed rather dated, but also somewhat racy. (What did Thomas Jefferson really mean by “opposing with manly Firmness”?)
And further, it has this seditious-sounding stuff about how it “is the Right of the People to alter or abolish” their government until they get one that is “likely to effect their Safety and Happiness.”
So with due respect for the Founding Fathers, perhaps it is time for a new Declaration that respects modern sensibilities and political realities:
“When in the Course of human Events it becomes necessary for the Unitary Executive to dissolve the Political Restraints which have constrained him from assuming, among the Powers of Earth, his proper role as the Decider, a total Disrespect for the Opinions of Mankind means that no Explanation is required.
“Nonetheless, the Unitary Executive holds this Truth to be of divine Origin, that the Executive Branch of Government enjoys certain unalienable Rights, that among these Rights are Spying upon Citizens without a Warrant, the Rendition of Captives unto foreign Despotisms, the Invasion and Occupation of other Nations upon false Pretenses, and the Employment of Torture to gather Evidence to be used in secret Courts.
“And that to secure these Rights, the Unitary Executive has been instituted among Humankind, and if the Citizenry becomes destructive of these Ends, then it is the Right of the Unitary Executive to alter the Citizenry, and to institute an improved Citizenry, in such Form as shall seem most likely to effect the Safety and Happiness of the Unitary Executive.
“The History of the present Citizenry is a History of repeated Usurpations and Injuries to the Unitary Executive, all having the direct Object the Restriction of his sacred Powers. To demonstrate this, let these Facts be leaked to a compliant Media:
“The citizens have refused to obey Laws, such as the Prohibition of the Cultivation of Hemp, which are most wholesome and necessary for the public Good.
“They have called together Legislative Bodies which have complained about the Deployment of their Militia to a foreign Land by the Unitary Executive.
“They have pressured their Representatives and Senators to oppose the granting of retroactive Immunity to Corporations which in the public Spirit assisted in the Eavesdropping upon private Citizens without a Warrant.
“There are among them many who have refused to agree that the Right to Life ends at Birth.
“They have complained about the Administration of Justice without realizing that the Appointment and Dismissal of federal Attorneys is a Power held solely by the Unitary Executive.
“They have, in many cases, hearkened unto the Peacock or the Eye, rather than trust the assured Wisdom of the Fox.
“The Unitary Executive has warned them, from Time to Time, not to attempt to extend an unwarrantable Jurisdiction over the Unitary Executive with the specious Claim that his Power is derived from the People.
“But they have been deaf to the Voice of Authority, and so therefore the Decider hereby declares his Independence from them, and further orders that the People shall be put in their proper Place as the Exigencies of the Future shall direct. To this end, we pledge the Lives of American Soldiers, the Fortunes of Generations yet unborn, and the sacred Honor of Anyone willing to front for us.
“Signed, Richard Bruce Cheney and George Walker Bush”
This should do for a first draft, anyway, of a realistic Declaration for modern America.
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