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Crotchal problems

Although it may seem as though the deceased mule has been adequately flogged, I feel compelled to chime in on the “peek-a-boo” incident on Aspen Mountain that occurred on Christmas day.

As chairman of an organization that prides itself on intellectual honesty, I must come clean with the public. Two weeks ago, I had a friend in town from Denver. On that Saturday we decided to ski Aspen Highlands with a few of my local friends.

We first rode the Exhibition chairlift, followed by the Loge Peak lift. We then proceeded to ski Sodbuster’s. As I was skiing on the Grand Traverse back toward the Loge lift, I noticed a cool breeze in the area of my crotchal region.

Upon entering the lift line, I noticed that my fly was down, and in fact, had been for two lift rides and a Steeplechase run. You can imagine my embarrassment, having ridden the Exhibition lift while nearly exhibiting my friend to my friends.

Much to my luck, neither my friends nor people in the lift line felt it necessary to scream in a horrified fashion as to alert the Ski Patrol to my situation. As a result of the restraint of these wonderful people, I am still employed, I still have my ski pass, and I do not have indecent exposure charges pending against me.

In order to avoid these types of situations in the future, I would suggest to the Skico that they install crotch cameras on every lift. These cameras could be monitored by lift operators (who don’t seem to have anything better to do). Upon noticing a violator, they could simply notify the offender by means of a publicly humiliating arrest, and file charges accordingly.

Nick Kertz

Aspen


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