Condos for bears
September 27, 2012
We want to be the first to go into local historical records for predicting the advent of refrigerated bear-cave condominiums in Aspen. About Oct. 15, your neighborhood bear would be mildly tranquilized and moved to winter quarters. Monitors on each resident would assure that it is resting comfortably and does not need emergency services (which would be available). Upon awakening in in the spring as the cave temperature is adjusted for the season, each resident would be allowed to return to the wild to check out the berries or taken to a fine restaurant to get off to a strong start. The annual cave rent would be paid through neighborhood subscription or a new Bear District property tax. For those residents and visitors who insist that it is their constitutional right not to secure their trash, fines collected by the Bear District would be an additional source of revenue to support this humane undertaking. We are offering the Aspen Center for Environmental Studies an initial $5,000 grant to research this matter further, provided twice that amount is raised from other bruin lovers.