Boy, are we lucky!
Dear Editor:Boy, I sure am glad I didnt have long to wait to read what the self-styled Redneck Tree-hugger had to say about the Republicans vice presidential nominee, Sarah Palin. Especially after the drum-beating he gave that nasty, snooty, smarty-pants female Democrat earlier this summer. Im really relieved to know that the Angry White Men and Women are happy at last! Mr. Hubbell gushed over Sarah Palin like a drilling rig in the Bering Sea. Heres a woman we can hold up as a role model and, yes, a hero, he writes. He listed as her virtues that she is strong, opinionated, charming, successful, well-spoken and well liked. She is a hunter and a person of faith and as an extra added attraction, shes a beauty queen as well. By golly, this little gal can gut a moose and fillet a salmon. Ill bet shes the kind of lady youd love to have a beer with, too. Shes a model of real American womanhood!And dont forget, shes also married to a real man, a mans man who works a real job for a living. Hes not some pansy social worker or schoolteacher. Hes a commercial fisherman who used to work on a drilling rig (oh boy, another oil man!) and believes that if you aint burnin gas you aint havin fun! Aint afraid to drive with a beer in one hand either. And Id bet he still wears the pants around the old homestead, too, even if his wife has been the governor for the last two years.Ms. Palin believes that the same God who gave her a Down syndrome baby also wants us to be at war in Iraq. Her 17-year-old daughter is pregnant, but thats what can happen when you got five kids and youre busy running the state government while your husband is off racing snowmobiles. She probably wasnt afraid to load up one of her guns (probably her shotgun) and point it at her daughter and boyfriend either, just to make sure they did the right thing. She wont be afraid to make sure that my daughter makes the right decision too, should a similar circumstance befall her. And that aint government interfering with an individuals rights either, thats just doing the Lords work!You know, Mr. Hubbell probably learned to be angry from his dad. You see back when he was a boy, his dad and other mens men got all worked up about the hippies that were protesting the war to keep us free from the Vietnamese. They would have rallies and things, and they put American flag decals on their hard hats and everywhere else so people would know that they were the real Americans. Back then a country singer named Jerry Jeff Walker wrote a song about ladies like Sarahs mom. I updated some of the words. The song went like this: M is for the moose she hunts to put meat on her familys table. O is for the oil that lies off her states shore. T is for the thumping shes going to give that uppity elitist liberal. H is for H&K. E is for eye shadow and R is for re-enlistment.Yes, we can all be thankful that we have John McCain and Sarah Palin coming to rescue us from eight years of mismanagement by their own party. Thank goodness we can get behind a ticket that extols God and Country. Or is it Country and God, I get it mixed up. Of course everyone knows Gods an American and if he aint he should be. Why he wrote the Constitution didnt He? I know He wrote the part about the Second Amendment. Yeah, a ticket with real American values like huntin and fishin and burnin gas and drillin for oil and sendin our kids off to kick A-rabs asses. And we can all really be thankful that we dont have to listen to that bitch from back East who thinks shes smarter than the rest of us and makes us so damn angry.Don Bird Aspen
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