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Booze cruiser

Jon Maletz

There are many things I just don’t understand about skiing. There is one, however, that has baffled me for years.Who thought summit bars were a good idea? Don’t get me wrong; I enjoy a glass of red wine with my $10 chicken fingers as much as the next guy. But does an alcohol-skiing combination make sense?I remember riding a go-cart while wearing a pair of “beer goggles” as part of a college function a few years back. I was on flat ground. On dirt, not snow or ice. There were no trees or people in my path, and yet I had the hardest time staying between the traffic cones. I shy away from indulging in the cough medicine until I’m safely on terra firma. But, without fail, there are rarely any vacant barstools during an average afternoon at the Sundeck.I’d like to go up to a group of friends sharing a pitcher during a ski break and spout out a series of questions. I’m in need of some enlightenment.Is this sport really so easy that a few cold ones may just provide an added challenge? Is 4 p.m. just too long to wait for a beer? Does having a beer or two make the Gent’s Ridge lift actually seem like it’s moving fast? Have you ever considered constructing the world’s first beer ski helmet? Be honest, did you think Snowmass’ Village Express six-pack was named by Peter Coors?Are you trying to make the snow bunnies look cuter? Is it really possible for snow bunnies to look cuter than they do right now? Did you join Bode? I hope no one would answer this in the positive because, in case you haven’t noticed, that guy can’t even finish a race when he’s sober these days. Did you know the Colorado Legislature is considering a law upping the fine for intoxicated skiers to $1,000? Do you know how ridiculous an SUI would look on your permanent record?I’m a liability on the slopes as it is, so I, for the safety of everyone on the hill, stick to water or the occasional fruit-flavored beverage. Besides, I’m saving my liver for the summer softball league.Avalanche reportBackcountry avalanche danger in the Roaring Fork Valley is moderate at and above treeline, and low below treeline.Be sure to check the bonds in the upper snowpack layers. Use extra caution on NE-E-SE aspects. On sunnier aspects, pay attention to how rapidly the snow is heating up. Stability can change quickly with sun and warm temperatures.Avalanche danger details provided by the Roaring Fork Avalanche Center. For more information, call 920-1664 or visit http://www.rfavalanche.org. For conditions around the state visit geosurvey.state.co.us/avalanche.


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