Aspen: Where wifebeaters walk |

Aspen: Where wifebeaters walk

Dear Editor:

Our City Council has been diligently seeking out ways to increase Aspen tourism but now, thanks to our district attorney’s office, Aspen has a wonderful new way to attract more tourism that won’t cost the city a dime.

How about attracting tourism from men who are seeking to avoid the responsibilities of parenthood or are prone to acts of domestic violence? Here’s the marketing pitch: “Is your girlfriend/wife pregnant and you are not happy about it, but you don’t want to end up doing time in San Quentin like Scott Peterson? Then grab your girlfriend/wife and come to Aspen. Not only is Aspen now affordable, it is also soft on crime. Where else in the world can you hold your pregnant girlfriend hostage for 10 hours, try to strangle her, force vodka down her throat, cause the death of your unborn child and skate away with a misdemeanor charge? Only in Aspen!”

And, in the small print, make sure to add, “Some restrictions do apply. You must be drunk or high while committing the offense, and a close relative of yours must have held political office somewhere in Pitkin County.”

Denise Malcolm


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