APD cares about your safety, and your lips | AspenTimes.com

APD cares about your safety, and your lips

Joel Stonington

If you’re like me and Napoleon, then you call home and beg for some ChapStick when your lips hurt. Well, now you don’t have to, instead you can take a quick trip to the Aspen Police Station for some of the best swag this side of the Mississippi.That’s right – when it comes to freebies, X Games ain’t got nothing on the Aspen Police. Sitting on the APD welcome desk in a little bowl is lip balm emblazoned with an Aspen Police logo – for free.

Each little tube of balm – SPF 15 – has it’s own handy little saying. “Keeping the wild west safe since 1880,” reads one. When I’m back in Seattle or out in Moab, I pull out one of my Aspen Police lip balms and nearly always get a laugh. I read the little saying and everyone cracks up. Then I say, “But that’s not all!” and I tell them what APD rolls in. They can’t believe it. So I laugh and tell them again: Volvo SUVs. And they laugh.

Recently, a new bit of APD swag appeared on the desk. It’s a little plastic Aspen Police ice scraper. Go ahead and grab one because they’re free. Personally, I think they work better as a conversation piece than as an ice scraper.The other day a friend was visiting, so I gave her an extra one.”You’ll feel a lot safer having this,” I said and got something of a chuckle out of it. Then we went through that amusing cop car rigmarole. You can always see people picturing the lame-ass Cutlass Supremes their hometown police cruise around in, and then imagining how much cooler it’d be to see a Volvo SUV in a high-speed chase along snow-covered roads.

Of course, after I tell about the Volvo police vehicles, I also tell about the Justice statue in front of the court building. At first they don’t believe Justice has nothing covering her eyes, but I insist that Justice just isn’t blind in Pitkin County. That generally keeps the laughs going. People can’t believe it. Volvo SUVs and watchful justice? Generally I end the discussion by simply stating how happy I am that the APD cares about my lips. Joel Stonington’s e-mail address is jstonington@aspentimes.com