An ugly fungus | AspenTimes.com

An ugly fungus

Wowee! Just about the time you think things are slowing down ? you can even wiggle in and out of City Market at 5:30 without actual hand-to-hand combat, you know more of the folks you see than not, and people crossing the street don’t wobble around like a kindergarten class going to the library ? and bam, you get hit in the butt by such surprisingly bad manners it would make my Southern mother foam at the mouth.

The specifics occurred today on Cemetery Lane (a spot where most of the best of Aspen is buried who may have been rowdy, raucous, unruly, but never mean-spirited). An individual who has lived all of her life in this valley parked on the side of the road. No signs indicated this was a violation.

She was visiting an older friend, who has certainly had ups and downs recently, and was gone about 15 minutes. Although apparently construction was a bear out there, on returning a neon yellow “Parking Violation” flapped under the windshield.

In part, it said:

“This is not a ticket, but if it were within my power, you would receive two. Besides, I don’t like domineering, egotistical or simple-minded drivers, and you probably fit into one of these categories. Also, may the fleas of a thousand camels infest your armpits.”

Mercy. Sounds like the poor soul’s brain has been Osama bin Ladenized.

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“Do Not Block My Mailbox Asshole” was charmingly inscribed in block letters across the top. And one last item. Down the passenger side of the car was a nasty gash that ran from the rearview mirror to the gas tank.

Maybe the West Nile virus has struck. If not, let’s check the water. I’d hate to see this ugly fungus spread.

Jane Stapleton

Aspen