An honored Fishwit
Dear Editor:As ungraciously as possible, I would like to express my gratitude at being named the winner of the 2005 Freddie Fisher Irreverent Wit Prize, commonly know as the Fishwit. Having my name engraved on the Fishwit plaque to be hung at the Aspen Historical Society in perpetuity ensures that a century from now, someone may look at it and mutter, “Who the hell was he?” As this is approximately five more words than will be uttered about any of you at that point in the future, I consider it to be a substantive validation of my editorial page handiwork.Since the award was announced, many regular readers of the letters to the editor section have asked to review a copy of the winning correspondence. Unfortunately, I did not save one. However, I believe that copies can be obtained from the Nissan Motor Corp., Monster Truck Division in the Ginza area of Choko-Ku near Tokyo, Japan, or at the Aspen Skiing Co., Environmentalism ‘R’ Us subsidiary, which is slated to occupy about a hundred square feet in the basement of the new million-square-foot Snowmass Base Village, right next to their concrete processing plant. Just ask them to look through my permanent file, which, though quite thick, I understand they keep handy. Thanks must also be given to the local press for their sparse coverage of the well-attended event. (I’ve been told that there were 11 judges there!) Had it not been me who won the coveted award and it was instead given to someone like, say, our own controversial District Attorney Colleen Truden, who I think wrote a letter to the papers once, I’m sure that both papers, for entirely different reasons, would have included stories on the front pages of their respective, if not respectable, papers. There is no duplicate of this award, so I will certainly schedule a time to fight the crowds and head over to the museum with a piece of tracing paper and a Crayon to make an impression of the plaque. I will proudly hang it next to my Roaring Fork Journalism, Truth in Deception award clock, which was given to me back in 2002 with a bit of accompanying fanfare. (If even one of you goes to the bookstore and plunks down twenty bucks to obtain a copy of my book, “Dear Editor,” which chronicles the events leading up to that award, this entire process will have been sufficiently commercialized and undoubtedly worthwhile.)In closing, I sincerely hope that Freddie Fisher looked down last year and got a chuckle out of my letter. If not, I hope the ensuing steam billowing from Pat O’Donnell’s ears provided some mild amusement in heaven anyway. Irreverently yours,Roger Marolt, FishwitSnowmass Village
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