An alternative take on politics
We, the founders of the Alternative Reality KickAsspen Political Party (ARKAPP), encourage you to write in the following individuals for Aspen City Mayor and City Council this coming election day.
For Mayor, Bobby Mason; for City Council, Little Blue consisting of Steve Postell, Michael Jude, Jon Michel and Damian, the alternate alternative.
We propose alternative City Council meetings to be held at the J Bar Monday evenings, commencing at 7 p.m., and disbursing after the last goal is scored during Peanut Shell Table Football (PSTF), or until all council members, mayor and council attendees are sufficiently unaccounted for mentally, lasting a period of no less than 15 minutes Official Bartender Time (OBT).
All relevant articles on the City Council agenda will be voted on during this meeting. Voter registration not required within Pitkin County or the city limits of Aspen. Absentee ballots may be submitted as a letter to the editor and may be tallied at the following Monday night alternative meeting.
All results may be published in a letter to the editor of the Aspen Daily News and/or The Aspen Times, whichever feels obligated to report the factual results of alternative tabulation of the votes of ARKAPP.
Official rules of PSTF apply in the event of non-sufficient show of visible hand-counts within two feet above the floor of the J Bar.
Please submit inquiries for write-in candidates, volunteers, lobbyists, chads, interns, scorekeepers, referees, bouncers and musicians to email@example.com.
All inquiries will be brought to the attention of the founders of ARKAPP and, at their discretion, placed on the agenda for any future meetings. Void where prohibited.
Kathryn “Kit” O’Carra
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