All I have to do … |

All I have to do …

Aspen Times writer

Dear Editor:With the ratcheting up of the current political fever, it is not unusual that I would receive an invitation to support the Liberal/Green/Democratic circus to do “anything to defeat President Bush.” All I have to do, besides send a large check, is to:1. Be against capital punishment, but support abortion on demand.2. Believe businesses create oppression and governments create prosperity.3. Believe that guns in the hands of law-abiding Americans are more of a threat than U.S. nuclear weapons technology in the hands of Chinese and North Korean communists.4. Believe that there was no art before federal funding.5. Believe that global temperatures are less affected by cyclical documented changes in the earth’s climate and more affected by soccer moms driving SUVs.6. Believe that gender roles are artificial, but being homosexual is natural.7. Believe that the AIDS virus is spread by lack of federal funding.8. Believe that the same teacher who can’t teach fourth-graders to read is somehow qualified to teach those same kids about sex.9. Believe that hunters don’t care about nature, but looney activists who have never been outside of San Francisco do.10. Believe that self-esteem is more important than actually doing something to earn it.11. Believe that Mel Gibson spent $25 million of his own money to make “The Passion of the Christ” for financial gain only.12. Believe the NRA is bad because it supports certain parts of the U.S. Constitution, while the ACLU is good because it supports certain parts of the U.S. Constitution.13. Believe that taxes are too low, but ATM fees are too high.14. Believe that Margaret Sanger and Gloria Steinem are more important to American history than Thomas Jefferson, Gen. Robert E. Lee and Thomas Edison.15. Believe that standardized tests are racist, but racial quotas and set-asides are not.16. Believe that Hillary Clinton is normal and is a very nice person.17. Believe that the only reason socialism hasn’t worked anywhere it’s been tried is because the right people haven’t been in charge.18. Believe conservatives telling the truth belong in jail, but a liar and a sex offender belonged in the White House.19. Believe that homosexual parades displaying drag, transvestites and bestiality should be constitutionally protected, and manger scenes at Christmas should be illegal.20. Believe that illegal Democratic Party funding by the Chinese government is somehow in the best interest of the United States.21. Believe that Ted Rall, Molly Ivins, Bill Press, Al Gore, Howard Dean, Alecia Evans, Tom Teepan, Tom Blackburn, Thomas Oliphant, Bob Herbert, et al. are not President Bush haters.22. Believe that this invitation and message is part of a vast right-wing conspiracy.I have personally never heard of Margaret Sanger, nor have I ever met Hillary Clinton, so I have to pass on this whole invitation as it is all a crock of dung.Peter NicklinAspen

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