Ali-Frazier in the mountains | AspenTimes.com
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Ali-Frazier in the mountains

Dear Editor:

Roger Marolt, I saw your last letter of surrender, pathetically admitting defeat. As touching as that still-steaming canard was, I trust you about as far as I can throw you. The noble thing for me to do now would be to leave you alone, but common sense tells me that a person like you needs to be kicked repeatedly when they are down. You are like a puppy that has soiled the carpet, and now your nose needs to be rubbed in it.

Since you are rightfully scared and confused by – and clearly obsessed with – your misguided hatred toward the “Bowl,” I’d like to invite you to be my partner for the Power of Four mountaineering race. That way I can drag you up to the actual summit of and then down each one of Aspen Skiing Co.’s four glorious mountains. You will be attached to me with the mountaineering equivalent of a child leash. I’ll obviously be in front so I won’t have to look at your tear-stained face and fogged-up glasses all day. An iPod will help drown the sound of your incessant whimpering.

You will have to pay the entry fee to Skico for us – consider it a humbling learning experience, and an opportunity for personal growth.

P.S. – I hope you liked the flowers I brought you. Maybe they will make you feel better from having your feelings hurt by the X Games.

Lo Semple

Aspen


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