Advice to the Aspen lovelorn | AspenTimes.com

Advice to the Aspen lovelorn

Dear Editor:Aspen folk are strong and agile,Yet their love life can be fragile.If you go from spouse to spouseOr can’t seem to share your house,It’s not your fault. Love’s a mystery!Blame it on our country’s history:Legend has it that the Ute, When white men gave them the bootAnd usurped their land so vast,Cursed: “The weddings here won’t last!”Is it too late to appease them?Is there some way we can please them?Shamans counsel nuptial mourners:”Burn some sage; smoke all your corners.Go on daring vision quests.Share a sweat lodge with your guests.Sing and dance when overjoyed.Don’t put too much stock in Freud.Show respect for sacred places(And the crow’s feet on your faces).Switch from liquor to peyote.Find your totem – Bear, Coyote …Build your little ones a teepee.Hide out there when you get weepy.Share your wampum. Do some planting.Take up drumming, stamping, chanting.Honor every bird and beast.Gather family, throw a feast.Post a photo of Chief Ouray.Tell your mate, ‘We’ll do it your way.’Say goodbye to extra flings.Meditate at Yampah Springs.When you’ve argued, take a walk,Bury strife plus tomahawk.Horse and spouse need whispered care.Buy some beaded underwear.”If a marriage split still lurks,Here’s a tip that always works.Braves – red, yellow, black or white -Sorry, guys, squaw always right!Ethel GofenChicago