A season of disruption and fornication | AspenTimes.com

A season of disruption and fornication

Gaylord Guenin

The question is this: “Does fornication have some direct relationship with forecasting?” I raise that possibility because it seems to me that the nice ladies who present the TV weather forecasts are unusually inclined to become pregnant. I have no facts to back up that possibility, but it seems I see more female forecasters expecting babies than other female members of those news teams.Perhaps it has to do with the fact that those weather ladies are usually shown standing in front of their meteorological maps while other female newscasters and reporters, more often than not, are seated, thus we can’t tell what their condition is. I’m not even certain why I write about this, other than the fact that I was watching the Weather Channel a week or so ago and, sure enough, there was a pregnant weather person. Maybe I had consumed one too many martinis that evening but somehow I convinced myself we were in the middle of an epidemic of pregnant weather ladies. I must assume that I am wrong about that.But my curiosity about all this did lead me to a minor discovery. I always thought that fornication was a rather general term for sexual intercourse. Wrong! According to my dictionary, fornication is the “voluntary sexual intercourse between two unmarried persons or two persons not married to each other.” So if you have sex with your wife, that’s not fornicating. I guess it’s just called “fun”? At least I hope so.While I wasted time worrying about pregnant weather forecasters, Woody Creek residents, particularly those who live in the Woody Creek Trailer Park, worried about when their lives might return to normal. The trailer park, since spring, has been a gigantic construction zone. Streets have been torn apart to install new water lines for fire protection and other utilities, and access by car to many trailers has become impossible for days and even weeks at a time. If you love mud, this is your paradise. All of the construction is the result of the fact that trailer park residents, in cooperation with Pitkin County, can now purchase their own property. However, in order to do that, the park must be brought up to code, which is no easy task.For those of us who enjoy a touch of chaos, the work going on in the park is rather enjoyable. One pleasant sidebar is that the continuous beeping of heavy equipment seems to irritate some of the more sensitive tourists. One lady actually came into the Woody Creek Tavern to complain about the noise and the trucks. Apparently she lives in some gated community that does not allow distractions that are part of the “real” world. The number of visitors to our valley who actually seem to believe that they are in some sort of theme park where everything and everyone is focused only on them is rather incredible. But if I were forking out the kind of money they fork out to visit our little valley, I also probably would expect the absolute in deferential treatment, but I don’t have that kind of money to spend. Anyway, I live here and pretty much know how I am going to be treated, which is much kinder than I probably deserve.Another irritating aspect of all the work going on in the park is the fact that many residents have been forced to move vehicles out of the park to areas along Upper River Road. This has created limited parking for the Tavern. More than anything, it is an inconvenience for Tavern customers who are forced to walk a bit farther than they would like. Once again, it is something that brings a smile to my face. It is entertaining to hear folks complain about inconsequential things, such as being forced to walk a few extra feet before they can pig out in the Tavern.And construction in the area is not limited to the trailer park. The Woody Creek Store/Community Center has been undergoing a complete renovation since spring. As with the trailer park, the work is being done to satisfy the county’s building codes. I have no idea when work in the park finally may be completed; I’m guessing there will be snow on the ground before it happens, but Ann Owsley, who manages the store, said the other day that she is looking to open in September. For many of us, that is outstanding news.The Woody Creek Store was the perfect place to start the day with a cup of excellent coffee, maybe a delicious panini built to your specifications or a sweet roll to go with your coffee. The New York Times was available, along with our local papers, and the place always had a nice collection of friends and neighbors to chat with. The store will become the “official” Woody Creek Community Center once the renovation is completed, but in truth it became a community gathering spot once Ann began serving coffee and rolls in the morning. It was the perfect place to exchange local news, rumors and maybe a few outright lies.September is a month away, but it will be worth the wait to get the Woody Creek Store back. Unfortunately, trailer park residents may have to be a tad more patient to reclaim their quiet life. I’m going to pass the time doing more research on those pregnant TV weather reporters. Some sort of phenomenon is at work here, and I plan to track it down. This is the 343rd article in a two-part series devoted to the community of Woody Creek, a place where it is not unusual to end up with a touch of grit in your lunch this summer.


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