A mother laments
October 2, 2002
Regretfully, I must begin this letter with an apology to the community for my son’s bad behavior. I would like to tell you that this whole debacle caught me by surprise. Unfortunately, the truth is that I have had many warning signs over the years.
He has been trouble since his time in the womb. In our early efforts to protect him, we changed his birth name from “Damien” to the innocuous “Roger.” His headlong pitch into the culvert near our house the first day on a bicycle on his second birthday was a harbinger of doom for this valley.
I can only lament now that I did nothing to stop this tragedy from happening. I must admit that I saw it coming and stood aside as my darling little cloud billowed into the raging tempest that he is today.
Because of my inaction, Roger has laid waste to two newspapers, single-handedly derailed efforts to solve our mass transportation problems, set the employee housing cause back several decades, shattered harmony between the classes, destroyed an entire town’s faith in the American way, and made it highly improbable that we will ever be able to ride our bikes on Government Trail before June 20!
Oh, the misguided use of his awesome powers! Nobody knows the pain of a mother as she can only stand helplessly by and watch her offspring drown in the morass of waste and shame.
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