A likely scenario | AspenTimes.com

A likely scenario

Dear Editor:

Recently, the Palestinian President Abbas and Israel’s Prime Minister Netanyahu were invited to the White House for a friendly dinner in the hopes of an historic agreement of peace.

During the dinner, President Abbas excused himself to go to the White House men’s room. And, coincidences of all coincidences, who is also there? You guessed it! Bibi Netanyahu for the same purpose. Abbas turns to Bibi in a slight Yiddish accent and has this little known dialogue.

Bibi, so good to see you. I want you to know that whatever you want will be agreed by me in a “wink.” You want to be called a Jewish state, not a problem. But, Bibi, for the sake of peace – you are a Jewish state, even though 22 percent of your citizens are not Jews. You want the new state of Palestine to be “demilitarized.” Not a problem. We would never have enough money to maintain all that war stuff. It’s not for us. You want to station troops on the Jordan border – not a problem. In fact, we will build barracks for your guys and gals. But, Bibi, maybe you’ll pay (his accent gets thicker) a little rent. Bibi, no more fear of a “flotilla.” We’ll get supplies, not weapons, by submarine.

What else, Bibi, do you want? Just tell me and you got it! How about the land east of Jerusalem? We’ll trade it one for one. But Bibi, my friend, what will you do with the 275,000 Palestinians that live there? I know you’ll be fair and make them Israel’s. Please, Bibi, let me have one of your many condos so I can say we have a capitol in Jerusalem. Please and thank you – just a few square meters will suit (his Yiddish accent is getting even thicker) us just fine.

By the way Bibi, I notice we are both circumcised. You’ll be amazed to know my great-grandma was Jewish. Therefore, according to that nasty Hitler guy, so am I. So, Bibi, when we sign our peace deal, you’ll come to my house for “break fast,” OK, buddy? Anything you want. We just want peace.

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Toilets flush, and both leaders return with a smile to a scrumptious dessert.

And, the Jews and Arabs live happily ever after.

Richard C. Goodwin

Snowmass Village

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